Iviwe Poti dealing

In the past week I have learned what it really means when they say, “your world can crash in seconds”..

It was last month that I was happy and fighting for my relationship, keen for the future naming kids that I hadn't yet had,  planning the wedding, house etc. “All women do it, I’m not weird,hahah”.

 It was three weeks ago that I started a new job “aaah, soo ampt for the future” I was on top of my world even though I’m not getting paid. It was last week that my world, everything I had knew and was comfortable with came crashing in my face.

I cried and cried, and for me yho crying is a mission I prefer other emotions so, I know how to handle those tears sometime. My first love had hurt me in the worst way any partner could imagine. I was hurt, confused and damn angry..I refused to pray about it the first day because in my head I thought; “how on earth could God do this AGAIN”. The minute my future plans became dented in fact demolished I took it to something I had been through before. Divorce, it seemed that all men that should have been there kept leaving with other women, and still claimed to love me. It wasn't my divorce though, but I was part of it, hahaha im too young for my own but it was my parents..I doubted everything, weather he loved me, was it something I did, maybe men aren't for me, is this really what God wants for me??..

Once I broke down and screamed in prayer it became clear it wasn’t my mistake, he had made a mistake but the situation now isn’t. I may have wanted the world with him but it’s not how the lord had it planned. I am a lover I am strong and I love well, these are characteristics that sometimes become my down fall but it’s who I am. Clearly the lord wants me to love someone else, I doubt id be in soo much pain for nothing. Maybe this situation has a gold lining not silver, I had planned to be married and happy by 25 and with him, dating for 5 years it seemed possible. I have now decided I will try to remove the time frames I have been working towards and ill adjust them to life now. I pray every day that I forgive him and that he forgives himself. I am not as angry anymore, I can talk about him and look at his picture without crying. I lost a dream and that’s what it was a dream, the next will be mine my dreams won’t die in vain.

The minute I accepted what had happened I stopped crying, it has only been one week. But I refuse to take years to get over something that took years to build and seconds to break. I’ll be waiting,  time something I value, every moment and every person you have is important.  Im still eager on meeting my baby daddy, my husband and life partner.

I’ve been hurt bad but I won’t hurt others because I’ve been there, I will love the next man as much as I can.. I refuse to throw myself at  wealthy men hoping that money will put a smile on my face, because I can smile through anything really. I want someone that knows love, my heart should smile every time I see him. I don’t believe in fairy tales but I do believe in happiness. If my happiness is to be found alone I’m good with that, being single won’t kill me and I will not rebound. I’m fine, I’m praying and I’m growing.